Anxiety

I have been terrified lately by the things that have been continuously happening but I am the kind of person who does not want to make a fuss about things she cannot control. I just simply let go of things — people and desires.

If I feel anxious right now, I know that a lot of people already do because my tolerance is high and it is not easy to be productive at home. Having ample time is not enough to calm down. It is not easy to pause especially if you have put too much efforts on things that you thought you will be able to achieve. I hate politics and I am kinda apolitical because I thought it is a topic only for the smart-ass people who are educated to be fooled but I guess even the decisions of our leaders signify anxiety. That maybe they do not anymore know what to say or do about the situation.

I have never been greedy. I always care less. I always do not worry. But I am now, a bit greedy, careful and worried.

I just had a realization that 5 months of 2020 was gone. I hope I just made some progress. No matter how small, progress is still progress anyway.

I hope this pandemic ends soon. I just want peace of mind.

Isolation

I just recently quit my job. Been working there for 5 years and it was kinda tumultuous at first. What resonates in my head is

“Trying to make both ends meet but my heart is at peace. It’s the right call. I hope.

So many things are happening at once all over the world that nature itself forces humans to pause.

Not thinking about the future and just living in the now takes a lot of effort. I don’t know. People with kids would say they cannot think the way I do for they have responsibilities. I do have responsibilities as well and it would be mean for me to say that no matter what…

YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THE LIVES OF THE PEOPLE THAT YOU LOVE. 

No one knows his own demise. I always tell that to myself. That no matter how much I love the person, one day I will leave them or they’ll leave me.

The problem with people is we want to control everything. We want to be certain of the future but no matter what we do it is uncertain. NO ONE KNOWS. NO ONE KNOWS.

There was this news a few months ago of a newly wed couple who had their honeymoon in Maldives both of them didn’t return in our country alive. That was supposed to be the start of their happily ever after. Kobe Bryant and his daughter, no matter how healthy and athletic tragically died.

Some other stories are the same. Sad but reality. Natural phenomena.

My heart is full of pain yet it is at peace and I am trying to cope. Loving people is one of my coping mechanism. Prioritizing myself is another way. Experiencing more and focusing on things that matter are ways on how I cope with life.

Who said it is easy to let go? It is never easy but letting go and letting nature take its own course are ways to have inner peace.

Acceptance is hard yet it is capable of healing any broken heart.

I hope people would be strong enough to know that we cannot  be with the people we love all the time. We fight for it and it is never easy to let go. Sometimes, we do not even know when to really let go but appreciating every single thing and moment that we are able to share with them are the best ways to enjoy life.

ENJOY TODAY! Maybe it’s your last.