Mom

I’m happy to see friends settling down and having their own families. I admire women who aren’t afraid to bear children and raise them. Coz, I’m afraid.

Am I afraid to be a mom? I don’t know. Probably, I just don’t see myself as one. Probably, I want to do other things. Probably, I want a different thing. Probably, I want a different path.

Some women feel the urgency to be a mom. That they see themselves incomplete without having one.

But can I be a mother in a different form? Can I be a mother to my students? I can be married to teaching? Can I find my worth through studying? 

They said that the essense of a woman is to bear a child, to be a mom. 

So, how about those who have hostile uterus? How about those who dedicated themselves to their career? How about those who married their passion? How about the old maids who weren’t given a chance to have one?

Are they women without value? Are they women without essence? 

WHY?

Do I have to prove ny worth as a woman? Does it make me less of a person not bearing a child?

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Career

I feel like I wasn’t able to maximize my potentials. 
I never want to blame anyone but parents do have a big role in one’s life specially when it comes to reaching one’s dreams. 
When I was in high school, I wanted to take up Psychology and become a teacher but during that time Nursing was a booming steppingstone to work abroad. So, my mom and other relatives got too excited for me to take the course hence I did.

Still, I have a heart for teaching. While taking up the course, I imagined myself as a clinical instructor or a lecturer without realizing that I must first be in the field to be able to teach. Something, I’m half-hearted to do.

“Is this what I really want?” I always asked myself at night.

During that time, there was a surplus of nurses in our country which I already expected to happen but didn’t follow my guts for I just want to follow my mom. 
So, I ended up like the others. I had different BPO jobs. I worked as a medical transcriptionist and as a customer service representative. I gained a few things, mostly friends. I also had the luxury to take some units to qualify as a secondary teacher which I did.
I am now a qualified Secondary Teacher in our country. Having a license in teaching, I ventured in a nontraditional way of teaching, online.
Firstly, at that time I want to know if I was still of becoming a psychology teacher but through my personal evaluation I decided not to pursue and focus on the field that in a way I was already enjoying.

I became an online English teacher to students of English as a foreign language. I have been in the industry for a few years now.

I am going to upgrade my credentials and be a qualified English Teacher. I’m scared because this time, it’s only I who decided for myself. Also, I’m not that young to experiment and to say at least I don’t have “what ifs.”

Now, I want to pursue what I really want. I still ended up in the field of education. Yes! I’m not a classroom based type teacher but  I want to learn and do more. 

Experience different cultures, academies and schools. Meet different perspectives and formulate ways to enhance myself of becoming the best teacher that I can be. It doesn’t mean to be the best among the others being a mediocre teacher but at my best is totally what I want.

I know there are a lot outthere who have the same battle. 

We always want to please the people around us because we never want them to be broken without realizing that it’s our lives. It’s your own life. Sometimes, making other hearts not suffer inflicts injuries on our own.

You will always have that eagerness to pursue what you really want in your life. The earlier you realize it the better.

I hope, everyone gets a chance to do what they want, to be successful and passionate in whatever they are doing because it’s their hearts’ desire.

I hope that I would be able to conquer whatever hindrances I have to endure and to maximize my potentials. 

Right now, I’ll work towards them. I’m scared but I would do it anyway.

Dear Other Self

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Sabi ni Becky sa movie,  “Gusto ko magtravel habang bata pa ko”. Tapos, supportive naman yung tatay niya at sinabi na, “Sige, gawin mo kung ano gusto mo.”

Ewan ko ba, pero never ko talagang pinangarap ang magtravel around the world. Ang boring ko yata. Pero, kanya-kanyang buhay, kanya-kanyang pangarap. At life is a matter of choice. Kanya kanyang trip, kanya kanyang desisyon.

Sabi sa movie, “Filipinos can’t just quit their jobs and leave everything behind.”

Minsan, masyado tayong mapagbigay hanggang sa darating sa point na magsisisi tayo na masyado na tayong nagbigay.

Pero sa totoo lang, kailangan mo rin maging madamot ngayon, para mapuno ka bilang tao para pag overflowing ka na, makapagbigay ka na, ng sobra-sobra at hindi ka mauubos. Ideal, malayo sa reality pero hindi imposible.

Kailangan mo lang panindigan ang desisyon mo. Minsan kasi duwag tayo eh na sumubok. Kaya napapasubo na lang tayo na laging harapin lahat ng problema nakaakibat sa ordinary life pero ang totoo, marami pang bagay bukod dun.

Hindi mo naman kailangang pasanin ang lahat ng problema ng pamilya mo. Sa totoo lang, may freedom  ka na gawin ang gusto mo.

Sabi nga ni Becky sa movie, “Pag di ko siya nagawa ngayon, baka hindi ko na siya magawa.”

Buhay mo yan. Hindi ng nanay mo. Hindi ng tatay mo. Hindi ng kapatid mo. Buhay mo iyan. Gawin mo kung anong gusto mo. Dahil ang bawat tao, gagawa at gagawa ng paraan para makasurvive. It’s not your responsibility to be someone else’s oxygen.

Minsan masyado tayong worried pero ang totoo, we should trust the people we love na kaya nila. Dahil kaya talaga nila.

So, ginawa ko today yung gusto ko. Nanuod ako ng movie tapos nasa ibaba yung mga gusto kong line at ang mga ** bago ang side comments ko.

** Most of the time, ang hirap mamili sa dalawang options.

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Chris: Cheesecake o chocolate

Becky: Sex.

Chris: Puso or isip.

Becky: Laging puso

This line: What if hindi nangyari yung moment that changed your life? Asan ka na ngayon?


Ginusto mo yan, kayanin mo.

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When you’re traveling you have to try everything at least once.  Don’t overthink.

Just remember not to be afraid to try new things. **Tama naman, ano pa nga ba ang silbi ng life kung same routine diba? More mistakes, more fun.

Travel changes your perspective.

Who needs a room when you have everything in your bag?

Ang ganda. Sana maalala ko to forever. **Dang, I think, there are really moments that we want to cherish…forever (if there’s such thing!)

If you want to travel the world, this is the only first of many goodbyes.

When you are a solo traveler, wala kang ibang aasahan kundi ang sarili mo. ** In life, it’s really only you and no one else. 🙂


**Yeah! We would always do things for the people we love.

I just can’t leave everything behind.

Kelan kaya yung ako naman?

Wag ka na kasing magtanong.

Ikaw magsabi kung kailan.

Hindi ka marunong humindi.  Pero mabilis kang humindi sa sarili mo.

Alam mo nung umalis ka yung kapatid mo, umayos.  Ginalingan nga! **People would really do things for themselves. 🙂


**In the end, makikita natin yung mga bagay na higit pa sa hinahanap natin and the only thing left to do is to share it to the world.

Ang sarap ikwento sa taong nakakaintindi. Kanino ko magse-share?

Chris: Ang laki ng atraso ko sayo.

Becky: Pero you changed my life.

Ang hinahanap ko adventure pero hindi lang yun ang nahanap ko. **When you find something greater than what you’re looking for. So, be ready sa kahit anong surprises ng buhay.

The best part of traveling is coming home.

Marunong na kong  humindi sa iba at umo-o sa sarili ko. ** I love this!


Huling side comment, si Jodi bakit ganun? Parang same character siya sa All You Need is Pag-ibig, Achybreaky Heart hanggang dito sa movie na ito. I want to see a different Jodi sa ibang movie niya.

Misunderstood

Sometimes, you feel angry to a friend who hurt you. Simply, you feel misunderstood. But would never want your friends to understand where you are coming from because if they do it only means that they have experienced the kind of pain that you never wish to happen to anyone.

You still want them to believe in ideal things, a bright future and undying love. That preparing for the said future keeps them going for they serve as a balance and remind you of your old self. That once in your life, you have been too anxious of the future.

As a friend, remind them that no one is in control and whatever plans they have for the future will not turn out perfectly as they planned.

There would always be twists in life. And by that time, wish them to see the gift of living in the now.

Planning is good but should not lead to anxiety. The illusive future is beautiful. But nothing beats how the present takes a breath away.

True, it’s not about the plans but how you enjoy the journey, the people as you reach towards the future that you are hoping for.

You don’t live in the future. Don’t let it control you.

Good Enough

Have you ever felt being left behind? In everything? Career? Personal life? Financially?

Have you ever felt that everyone is moving on with his life and here you are, left behind.

Are you really left behind?

They said, there’s a season.

When?

No one knows.

But today, what are you doing?

Are you doing something that might lead you to not be left behind?

Not by everyone but by the person in your head.

“Huli man daw at magaling, maihahabol din.”

If you feel like you’re not good enough then be good enough.

Be good enough until you convinced yourself that you are good enough.

Coffee Project PH

It’s been a while since I have written something about coffee. If there’s one coffee shop that provides comfort, I would recommend Coffee Project in WCC, Shaw.

It provides a personal space to breathe. It’s a perfect place to clear the head and to enjoy ME TIME. 

Kaso lang, hindi ko mapigilan i-recommend yung place sa friends ko, so I ended up bringing friends sa Coffee Project so it’s not anymore a Me time space.

Bago kong tambayan. #coffeeprojectph is life. #kape #coffee #coffeeshop #ph

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January:  The first visit was with the best friend. 🙂 It’s actually a celebration of our birthdays.

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He took a lot of pictures and just sharing some of the captured moments. 🙂

February: Second visit was spontaneous with a few close friends. The approximately 2 km walk didn’t bother us after reaching the place.

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March and April:

Third and fourth, celebrated a good time with my favorite person. Me, myself and I.

Fifth, I visited the place with the same friends but there was a twist.

After visiting Coffee Project, Shaw, we also visited Coffee Project, Lake Front on the same day (we really don’t know why we did that). But the atmosphere is like in Shaw. It didn’t fail to provide the personal space to have a good conversation with friends.

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So, we took a lot of photos and no one can stop us from doing such again…Sooonnn!

And one of my friends said, “Hindi naman na ako nagsisi na nagpunta tayo ng Paranaque.”

I think, the picture doesn’t lie.

May: Sixth visit was for the Team Synergy sponsored by our company.

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So, I have been visiting the place never been absent in any months of this year so far.:)

I hope they would never fail to continue providing the atmosphere of having a good experience with friends. 🙂

So far so good.

Pahabol, staffs are also kind.

Top 10 Things I Want to Do in The Next 3 Years

1. Be a beginner in learning a new language

I want to learn two languages, Korean and Japanese, because I want to work as a translator.

2. Advance English Skills

Get a diploma in English then a Master’s Degree. I already have a targeted school. I hope I’ll make it.

3. Travel Abroad

I want to go to Barcelona, Bali and Thailand.

4. Work Abroad

I hope to experience working as an ESL Teacher in Asian Countries.

5. Have a Lucrative Job in the Philippines

Becoming a translator will do a lot of trick but I don’t know if I would have the enthusiasm to learn a new language (and I think it takes years). Probably, I could study more and try to level up on the current field.

6. Write a book

Currently working on it and I’m out of words.

7. Save targeted amount of money each year

I hope the shopping malls will not hinder me from doing such. On a serious note, no emergency situations please.

8. Maintain a healthy lifestyle

I am glad that after losing almost 20kg, I become more familiar with healthy food. That it’s already second nature to choose what I eat.

9. Be familiar with a sports

I tried boxing and Muay Thai for fun. Anyway, it’s not about the fighting experience that I’m into but the cardio. Not yet sure if this would be the sports that I’ll be addicted to for 3 years.

10. Invest

Health is Wealth. Financially Dang!

Actually, most of the things written above are wishes. No goals set. But Yeah! I’ll try to start setting objectives though!

Just reminding myself that “A goal without plan is just a wish.”